Double-Pleats are the Devil’s Work
Today I walked into the conference room where I already knew I was in for a world of pain when the meeting agenda looked something like this:
BPR- Session 1.2e
Departments: PLM w/ PLC & CD
On Point: CEO, CFO, COO & other AF
Topics: Implementation & Integration of:
ERP, EDI, API: : B2B, B2C
I had already planned to stash a fork in my notebook in case it got so bad I decided it would be better to prong my own eyes out, but the obnoxious corporate acronyms were only the beginning. As I walked in, I was blinded by a sea of baby-blue collared button-down shirts tucked not-so-neatly into a dozen pairs of double-pleated-khaki pants. Needless to say my neon floor length maxi-dress didn’t exactly blend. As I was standing there trying to decide which pair of Johns I wanted to sit in between (I’m not kidding, 6 of the 10 men in the room were named John), I couldn’t help but wonder… who the hell invented the business-casual rules?
A history lesson: In the mid 19th century, a group of british troops were led into India wearing their usual heavy-weight uniform pant. One of the officers decided it was too damn hot to where the dense fabric so he traded them for a pair of the local light weight cotton pants. Fearing that it would look like he was wearing pajama bottoms, he dyed them with a native plant (mazari) in order to make them blend with the local terrain. The word “khaki” is actually the hindu word for “dust.” What can I say, the fad turned to a trend and the trend turned into mainstream normality and thus, here I sit in a room getting ready to have a “touch-base” where we’re going to “flow-chart” our “inter-departmental synergy.” gag.
Back to the point…
In this day and age, there is never, NEVER any reason to wear double-pleated-khakis. They do not make you look more put together. They do NOT make you look like the perfect combination of conservatively-appropriate yet casually-approachable. I’m actually not a fashion snob, I’m really not. But double-pleated-khakis are nearly a crime against humanity. And this isn’t just because of how unflattering, homely, stodgy or dowdy they look, it’s also because of how they make people act. I swear, once you put on a pair of these awful pants, you’re instantly turned into some sort of corporate zombie-robot. I have never seen so many thumbs-up or gun-point/side-mouth-clicks in my life. It was a sneak peak into my own private hell and I blame it on the double-pleated-khakis. So please, for the love of all that is holy, unless you are running for the mayor of Frumpy-town leave the DPK’s at home.