Monthly Archives: July 2012

Double-Pleats are the Devil’s Work

Today I walked into the conference room where I already knew I was in for a world of pain when the meeting agenda looked something like this:

 BPR- Session 1.2e

     Departments:  PLM w/ PLC & CD

     On Point:  CEO, CFO, COO & other AF

            Topics:     Implementation & Integration of:

                       ERP, EDI, API: :  B2B, B2C

I had already planned to stash a fork in my notebook in case it got so bad I decided it would be better to prong my own eyes out, but the obnoxious corporate acronyms were only the beginning.  As I walked in, I was blinded by a sea of baby-blue collared button-down shirts tucked not-so-neatly into a dozen pairs of double-pleated-khaki pants.  Needless to say my neon floor length maxi-dress didn’t exactly blend.  As I was standing there trying to decide which pair of Johns I wanted to sit in between (I’m not kidding, 6 of the 10 men in the room were named John), I couldn’t help but wonder… who the hell invented the business-casual rules?

A history lesson:  In the mid 19th century, a group of british troops were led into India wearing their usual heavy-weight uniform pant.  One of the officers decided it was too damn hot to where the dense fabric so he traded them for a pair of the local light weight cotton pants.  Fearing that it would look like he was wearing pajama bottoms, he dyed them with a native plant (mazari) in order to make them blend with the local terrain.  The word “khaki” is actually the hindu word for “dust.”  What can I say, the fad turned to a trend and the trend turned into mainstream normality and thus, here I sit in a room getting ready to have a “touch-base” where we’re going to “flow-chart” our “inter-departmental synergy.”  gag.

Back to the point…

In this day and age, there is never, NEVER any reason to wear double-pleated-khakis.  They do not make you look more put together.  They do NOT make you look like the perfect combination of conservatively-appropriate yet casually-approachable.  I’m actually not a fashion snob, I’m really not.  But double-pleated-khakis are nearly a crime against humanity.  And this isn’t just because of how unflattering, homely, stodgy or dowdy they look, it’s also because of how they make people act.  I swear, once you put on a pair of these awful pants, you’re instantly turned into some sort of corporate zombie-robot.  I have never seen so many thumbs-up or gun-point/side-mouth-clicks in my life.  It was a sneak peak into my own private hell and I blame it on the double-pleated-khakis.  So please, for the love of all that is holy, unless you are running for the mayor of Frumpy-town leave the DPK’s at home.